Telegraph columnist who predicted Brexit 'zombie apocalypse' accused us of exaggerating headlines

Upon hearing that Asa Bennett of the Daily Telegraph had written a sneering attack on an article posted on the Evolve Politics website, my first thought was, 'who the f*ck is Asa Bennett?' A brief internet search later and I realised that I was already vaguely familiar with his ponderous offerings.

My second thought was that it must have been a slow news day at Telegraph Towers on Thursday, or why on earth would the c-list columnist, and pub-bore Asa Bennett, be smugly dissecting an article from Evolve Politics?

Trudging through Bennett’s prosaic critique of Summer Winterbottom’s piece for Evolve, it would appear that he is no fan of hyperbole. With that in mind I will stop referring to Bennett’s sniveling screed as an ‘attack’; as an attack by Asa Bennett is akin to being savaged by a toothless three-toed sloth leisurely gumming at your flesh. Sucker marks and slather abound, but no broken skin or pain.

The self-satisfied Bennett works for the Daily Telegraph - a Tory comic that has managed to haemorrhage 567,716 readers since the year 2000, including 219,000 in the last five years alone. Despite his newspaper’s circulation dropping faster than Paddy Ashdown’s trousers, Bennett is idling away his time attacking Evolve Politics.

The Daily Telegraph has been put on the IPSO ‘naughty-step’ more than any other newspaper since the regulator was set-up, two years ago. They have breached the Editors Code of Conduct nine times. Almost twice as many times as The Sun. Bennett has some brass neck accusing Evolve Politics of hyperbole when you examine the dubious record of his newspaper.

Of course, Bennett would never lower himself to rhetorical tactics and hyperbole. Except that following a brief scan through his work at the Daily Telegraph and the Huffington Post reveals that he is clearly adept a spot hyperbolic clickbait himself. Maybe I am mistaken. Perhaps when Bennett suggested that the EU referendum could lead to a ‘zombie apocalypse by Christmas’ he was being deadly serious about the prospect of actual zombies roaming the streets of Britain, tearing flesh from the bones of the living.

Imagine getting your underpants in such a huge twist over Evolve Politics use of the word ‘obliterated’ and demanding to know why ‘Theresa May hasn’t closed down the Tory Party’, or ‘how can she ignore the groundswell of pro-Corbyn support and cling on as Prime Minister?’ Seriously, you sound like a child. You have exposed yourself to so much dust from lining up your straw man arguments that you are almost certainly at an increased risk of developing a nasty case of ‘farmer's lung'.

As popularity and trust in the mainstream media continues on its irreversible downward trajectory, the rapid rise of alternative media outlets will be closely matched by a rise in snivelling and snooty denunciations from the likes of Bennett, and the rest of the invariably posh-as-f*ck, London literati lumpen-commentariat w*nkers.

They can look down the end of their noses at us, they can dismiss us as irrelevant - (Bennett doth protest too much, methinks), it really doesn’t matter. Bennett and his ilk are yesterday's men and women. They can continue toadying for the Tory Party and for billionaire media barons, but they can’t halt the rise of alternative media.